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Før julen ringes inn - 6



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Før julen ringes inn - 6

Postet 06-12-21 kl 08:13 av Kalenderpiken
Oppdatert 06-12-21 kl 09:48 av Kalenderpiken

FORELDREPORTALENS FANTASTISKE FØRJULSTRADISJON
- 14. årgang -

6


[1 Heilo] [2 Nenne] [3 Mex] [4 Fersken] [5 Che] [6 Toffskij]
[7 Tjorven] [8 Blånn] [9 ingling] [10 oslo78] [11 Tallulah] [12 Skilpadda]
[13 Pøblis] [14 amo] [15 Floka] [16 Dali] [17 tink] [18 daffy] [19 vixen]
[20 Taien] [21 007] [22 annemede] [23 Maverick] [24 celebelen]



I denne luka er det en sang og to bokutdrag, løselig inspirert av denne (muligens apokryfe) trykkfeilen.[1]



Det gikk litt galt for Dillard's det året. Men hvis de bare hadde hørt litt mer på Flight of the Conchords, ville de visst at Santa er et satanagram.



Sitat:
His very name was a satanagram
Just like Santa
But he was nothing like Santa
No, Santa is a wonderful man
Brings you presents
Comes down your chimney and brings you presents
Whereas Stana is just a man who comes down your chimney

Why would someone do that?
Ruin a lovely fireside evening
(Ikke akkurat en julesang, men alle bør jo høre på Flight of the Conchords!)

Dillard's-annonsen leder også tankene hen til verdens morsomste julebok, som er Terry Pratchett's Hogfather, hvor Døden (dere vet, mannen med ljåen) ved en inkurie blir nødt til å ta på seg jobben som kjøpesenternisse. Han forstår ikke helt hvordan det fungerer.

Sitat:
In the Grotto of the Hogfather, a round-eyed child.

HAPPY HOGSWATCH. HO. HO. HO. AND YOUR NAME IS…EUPHRASIA GOAT, CORRECT?
“Go on, dear, answer the nice man.”
“’s.”
AND YOU ARE SIX YEARS OLD.
“Go on, dear. They’re all the same at this age, aren’t they…”
“’s.”
AND YOU WANT A PONY—
“’s.”

A small hand pulled the Hogfather’s hood down to mouth level. Heavy Uncle Albert heard a ferocious whispering. Then the Hogfather leaned back.

YES, I KNOW. WHAT A NAUGHTY PIG IT WAS, INDEED.

His shape flickered for a moment, and then a hand went into the sack.

HERE IS A BRIDLE FOR YOUR PONY, AND A SADDLE, AND A RATHER STRANGE HARD HAT AND A PAIR OF THOSE TROUSERS THAT MAKE YOU LOOK AS THOUGH YOU HAVE A LARGE RABBIT IN EACH POCKET.
“But we can’t have a pony, can we, Euffie, because we live on the third floor…”
OH, YES. IT’S IN THE KITCHEN.
“I’m sure you’re making a little joke, Hogfather,” said Mother, sharply.
HO. HO. YES. WHAT A JOLLY FAT MAN I AM. IN THE KITCHEN? WHAT A JOKE. DOLLIES AND SO ON WILL BE DELIVERED LATER AS PER YOUR LETTER.
“What do you say, Euffie?”
“’nk you.”

“’ere, you didn’t really put a pony in their kitchen, did you?” said Heavy Uncle Albert as the line moved on.
DON’T BE FOOLISH, ALBERT. I SAID THAT TO BE JOLLY.
“Oh, right. Hah, for a minute—”
IT’S IN THE BEDROOM.
“Ah…”
MORE HYGIENIC.
“Well, it’ll make sure of one thing,” said Albert. “Third floor? They’re going to believe all right.”
YES. YOU KNOW, I THINK I’M GETTING THE HANG OF THIS. HO. HO. HO.
Og når man er inne på malplasserte personer som snakker med store bokstaver, må jeg bare avslutte med en snutt av verdens beste julespillscene, fra John Irvings A Prayer for Owen Meany. Jeg hadde en lærer på videregående som alltid leste hele scenen høyt for alle klassene sine hver jul med verdens beste Owen Meany-stemme, en uforglemmelig opplevelse!

Sitat:
It was only our second rehearsal of the Christmas Pageant when Owen decided that the crib, in which he could fit – but tightly – was unnecessary and even incorrect. Dudley Wiggin based his entire view of the behavior of the Christ Child on the Christmas carol ‘Away in a Manger,’ of which there are only two verses.

It was this carol that convinced the Rev. Mr Wiggin that the Baby Jesus mustn’t cry.

The cat-tle are low-ing, the ba-by a-wakes, But lit-tle Lord Je-sus, no cry-ing he makes.

If Mr Wiggin put such stock in the second verse of ‘Away in a Manger,’ Owen argued that we should also be instructed by the very first verse.

A-way in a man-ger, no crib for his bed, The lit-tle Lord Je-sus laid down his sweet head.

‘IF IT SAYS THERE WAS NO CRIB, WHY DO WE HAVE A CRIB?’ Owen asked. Clearly, he found the crib restraining. ‘“THE STARS IN THE SKY LOOKED DOWN WHERE HE LAY, THE LIT-TLE LORD JE-SUS, A-SLEEP ON THE HAY,”’ Owen sang.

Thus did Owen get his way, again; ‘on the hay’ was where he would lie, and he proceeded to arrange all the hay within the crèche in such a fashion that his comfort would be assured, and he would be sufficiently elevated and tilted toward the audience – so that no one could possibly miss seeing him.

‘THERE’S ANOTHER THING,’ Owen advised us. ‘YOU NOTICE HOW THE SONG SAYS, “THE CATTLE ARE LOWING”? WELL, IT’S A GOOD THING WE’VE GOT COWS. THE TURTLEDOVES COULDN’T DO MUCH “LOWING.”’

If cows were what we had, they were the sort of cows that required as much imagination to identify as the former turtledoves had required. Mary Beth Baird’s cow costumes may have been inspired by Mary Beth’s elevated status to the role of the Virgin Mary, but the Holy Mother had not offered divine assistance, or even divine workmanship, toward the making of the costumes themselves. Mary Beth appeared to have been confused mightily by all the images of Christmas; her cows had not only horns but antlers – veritable racks, more suitable to reindeer, which Mary Beth may have been thinking of. Worse, the antlers were soft; that is, they were constructed of a floppy material, and therefore these astonishing ‘horns’ were always collapsing upon the faces of the cows themselves – obliterating entirely their already impaired vision, and causing more than usual confusion in the crèche: cows stepping on each other, cows colliding with donkeys, cows knocking down kings and shepherds.

‘The cows, if that’s what they are,’ Barb Wiggin observed, ‘should maintain their positions and not move around – not at all. We wouldn’t want them to trample the Baby Jesus, would we?’ A deeply crazed glint in Barb Wiggin’s eye made it appear that she thought trampling the Baby Jesus would register in the neighborhood of a divine occurrence, but Owen, who was always anxious about being stepped on – and excessively so, now that he was prone and helpless on the hay – echoed Barb Wiggin’s concern for the cows.

‘YOU COWS, JUST REMEMBER. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE “LOWING,” NOT MILLING AROUND.’
‘I don’t want the cows “lowing” or milling around,’ Barb Wiggin said. ‘I want to be able to hear the singing, and the reading from the Bible. I want no “lowing.”’
‘LAST YEAR, YOU HAD THE TURTLEDOVES COOING,’ Owen reminded her.
‘Clearly, this isn’t last year,’ Barb Wiggin said.
‘Now now,’ the rector said.
‘THE SONG SAYS “THE CATTLE ARE LOWING,”’ Owen said.
‘I suppose you want the donkeys hee-hawing!’ Barb Wiggin shouted.
‘THE SONG SAYS NOTHING ABOUT DONKEYS,’ Owen said.
‘Perhaps we’re being too literal about this song,’ Mr Wiggin interjected, but I knew there was no such thing as ‘too literal’ for Owen Meany, who grasped orthodoxy from wherever it could be found.
God advent! Husk å finne noe å le av!

[1] Jeg har merket meg at mange av dere har gått tilbake og sett på gamle innlegg, men det har ikke jeg, så det kan godt hende jeg har stilt med minst en av disse før. Jeg har faktisk en vag følelse av det.

Kommentarer totalt 17

Kommentarer

Gammel
Eia sin avatar
Owen Meany!

Hogfather må jeg visst lese.

Takk for herlig luke!
Postet 06-12-21 kl 08:51 av Eia Eia er ikke aktiv
Gammel
nolo sin avatar
Vidunderlig luke.
Postet 06-12-21 kl 08:54 av nolo nolo er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Heilo sin avatar


God jul!
Postet 06-12-21 kl 08:55 av Heilo Heilo er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Tjorven sin avatar
Owen Meany - det var jammen lenge siden og et hjertelig gjensyn.

Tusen takk for en veldig passende kalenderluke. Jeg liker at vi har fokus på helt forskjellige ting.
Postet 06-12-21 kl 09:09 av Tjorven Tjorven er aktiv nå
Gammel
Blå sin avatar
Fantastisk luke. Takk

Jeg må lese Hogfather igjen kjenner jeg.
Postet 06-12-21 kl 09:13 av Blå Blå er aktiv nå
Gammel
him sin avatar
Postet 06-12-21 kl 09:17 av him him er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Nenne sin avatar
Jeg ler og ler av den annonsen. Det MÅ ha vært mange som tok et ekstra godt grep om perlene sine deromkring.
Postet 06-12-21 kl 09:36 av Nenne Nenne er ikke aktiv
Gammel
tink sin avatar
Takk for fin luke, og ikke minst et genialt litteraturtips til storebror sin julesokk. Tror han kan sette pris på Terry Pratchett sin gale humor.
Postet 06-12-21 kl 09:38 av tink tink er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Polyanna sin avatar
Takk for Owen Meany! Hele julespillsekvensen er så utrolig bra, jeg ler så jeg nesten griner hver gang!

Og annonsen!
Postet 06-12-21 kl 10:52 av Polyanna Polyanna er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Toffskij sin avatar
Alle må gå og lese julespillsekvensen i sin helhet.
Postet 06-12-21 kl 11:23 av Toffskij Toffskij er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Maverick sin avatar
Er det rart man elsker Death. Og ja, det er jo så klart Hogfather jeg skal lese nå!
Postet 06-12-21 kl 11:23 av Maverick Maverick er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Skilpadda sin avatar
Fantastisk luke! Det er altfor lenge siden jeg har lest Owen Meany, og selv Hogfather tror jeg har fått ligge i i alle fall en håndfull år for lenge. Burde gjøre noe med det!
Postet 06-12-21 kl 12:05 av Skilpadda Skilpadda er ikke aktiv
Gammel
007 sin avatar
Annonsen.
Postet 06-12-21 kl 13:20 av 007 007 er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Mex sin avatar

Takk for artig luke!
Postet 06-12-21 kl 13:38 av Mex Mex er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Dali sin avatar
Postet 06-12-21 kl 22:01 av Dali Dali er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Pøblis sin avatar
Åh! Owen Meany!

Søsteren min, presten, lo og lo av den annonsen og skulle ta den med på neste stabsmøte på jobb.
Postet 06-12-21 kl 23:24 av Pøblis Pøblis er ikke aktiv
Gammel
Toffskij sin avatar
Sånn bør geistligheten reagere!
Postet 06-12-21 kl 23:31 av Toffskij Toffskij er ikke aktiv
 
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