To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses)

Sitron · 13-11-07, 16:22

Well I don't know if this is true or not, but it could be. It's too funny to not pass along!!!

All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless removal - the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and now . . The Wax.

My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from work, fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours: maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.

I set up my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart, press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising
crescendo of string instruments in the background. No muss, no fuss. How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but I'm mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works. You'd think.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and soften the wax (I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the hair dryer and heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my ass. (Oh, how that phrase will come back to haunt me.) I lay the strip across my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!

With my next wax strip, I move north.

After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming one with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply ! the wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right ass cheek. (Yeah, it was a long strip.) I inhale deeply. I brace myself.

RRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind! Blind from the pain!

Vision returning.

Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip.

Another deep breath. And RIIIP! Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I hear crashing drums? OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold medallist.

But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone? Where could the wax go, if not on the strip? Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet. I see hair - the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling and silently shout "nooooooo!!" And realize I have just begun living my own personal version of "The Tar Baby."

I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big mistake - up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the toilet. I know I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down on the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut.

Ass? Sealed shut.

A little voice in my head says "I hope you don't have to shit anytime soon. Your head just might pop off." I penguin walk around the bathroom trying desperately to figure out what I should do next.

Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right? Wrong. I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit.

Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax. So now I'm stuck to the tub.

I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's never good to start a conversation with "So my ass and pussy are stuck to the tub."

She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress laughter. She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the ass - "Are we talking cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the giggles now.

I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know. You're going to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them the truth.

"While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!

In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations from C and we hang up.

I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the hair is still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was numb by that point anyway.

And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet.

Never know when a moustache might start to come in.

Tonight, I attempt hair dying.

Nabbe · 13-11-07, 16:37

Sitat:

RRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind! Blind from the pain!

Vision returning.

Du vet hva gubben min gjorde, sant?

Han sier dette stemmer, at man blir blind av smerte.

Sitron · 13-11-07, 16:38

Hva gjorde gubben. Del nå!

Fibi · 13-11-07, 16:38

Fantastisk!

Best å gjøre det hos en proff, tror jeg.

Nabbe · 13-11-07, 16:41

Opprinnelig lagt inn av Sitron, her.

Hva gjorde gubben. Del nå!

Jeg hadde bestilt noen hijaber fra Egypt en gang, og dama som solgte meg de (på en nettside) puttet oppi noen pakker med sånn sukkervoks fra Midt-Østen, ferdig laget i pakke. Vet ikke helt hvorfor hun putta det oppi, men by all means, jeg tenkte at det kunne jo være hendig. Venninna mi fra Fantoft sverget til sånn sukkervoks (hjemmelaget), i alle fall til beina og armene (hun har voldsomt hårete armer).

Det lå nå lenge i skapet, og en dag jeg hadde besøk, og gubben kjeda seg, fant han ut at han skulle prøve. Han, idioten, prøvde på bikinilinja, den dusten, først...

Det hylet glemmer jeg aldri.

Ikke Sarah og Meriem heller (du vet, mor og datter, de som jeg kjenner, fra Marokko)

allium · 13-11-07, 16:41

Det er derfor jeg bruker varm voks. Den kan fjernes med vann.

Sitron · 13-11-07, 16:43

Gubben vokset sin EGEN bikinilinje? :dørlitt:

Nabbe · 13-11-07, 16:47

Opprinnelig lagt inn av Sitron, her.

Gubben vokset sin EGEN bikinilinje? :dørlitt:

Ikke så langt ned, korrigerer han nå pr telefon. Han ville prøve, og kunne ikke prøve på beina, følte han, så han prøvde på magen. Altså, så langt ned at magen nesten har bytta navn. Han ville barbere seg for å se hvordan det var. Nysgjerrige Nils.

Fluke · 13-11-07, 16:47

Og Nabbe:

Inagh · 13-11-07, 16:51

... Og det både av historien til Sitron og gubben til Nabbe!

Fersken · 13-11-07, 18:39

Enhjørning · 13-11-07, 19:52

Opprinnelig lagt inn av Inagh, her.

... Og det både av historien til Sitron og gubben til Nabbe!

Jeg også!
Jeg lo så jeg nesten ikke klarte å se skjermen her!
Herlig!

annemede · 13-11-07, 20:24

Gubben til Nabbe tar kaka!

Dixie · 13-11-07, 20:43

Nå lo jeg høyt her. Utrolig bra gjenfortalt.

Føniks · 13-11-07, 20:47

Au au

13-11-07, 16:22	#1
Sitron Absolut ateist Medlem siden: Sep 2006 Innlegg: 27.113 Blogginnlegg: 48	To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Well I don't know if this is true or not, but it could be. It's too funny to not pass along!!! All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless removal - the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and now . . The Wax. My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from work, fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours: maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet. I set up my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart, press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising crescendo of string instruments in the background. No muss, no fuss. How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but I'm mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works. You'd think. So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and soften the wax (I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the hair dryer and heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my ass. (Oh, how that phrase will come back to haunt me.) I lay the strip across my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire! With my next wax strip, I move north. After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming one with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply ! the wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right ass cheek. (Yeah, it was a long strip.) I inhale deeply. I brace myself. RRRIIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind! Blind from the pain! Vision returning. Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip. Another deep breath. And RIIIP! Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I hear crashing drums? OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold medallist. But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone? Where could the wax go, if not on the strip? Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet. I see hair - the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling and silently shout "nooooooo!!" And realize I have just begun living my own personal version of "The Tar Baby." I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big mistake - up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the toilet. I know I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down on the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut. Ass? Sealed shut. A little voice in my head says "I hope you don't have to shit anytime soon. Your head just might pop off." I penguin walk around the bathroom trying desperately to figure out what I should do next. Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right? Wrong. I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit. Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax. So now I'm stuck to the tub. I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's never good to start a conversation with "So my ass and pussy are stuck to the tub." She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress laughter. She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the ass - "Are we talking cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the giggles now. I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know. You're going to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them the truth. "While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off! In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations from C and we hang up. I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the hair is still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was numb by that point anyway. And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet. Never know when a moustache might start to come in. Tonight, I attempt hair dying. __________________ Tøs Indigo, Indigo ta meg med, til en regnbue langt av sted, under en dyne skal det skje og plutselig er vi tre.

13-11-07, 16:37	#2
Nabbe Skrekkøgle Medlem siden: Jan 2007 Innlegg: 2.534 Blogginnlegg: 26	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Sitat: RRRIIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind! Blind from the pain! Vision returning. Du vet hva gubben min gjorde, sant? Han sier dette stemmer, at man blir blind av smerte. __________________ *I think I have OCD. Obsessive Conure Disorder.*

13-11-07, 16:38	#3
Sitron Absolut ateist Medlem siden: Sep 2006 Innlegg: 27.113 Blogginnlegg: 48	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Hva gjorde gubben. Del nå! __________________ Tøs Indigo, Indigo ta meg med, til en regnbue langt av sted, under en dyne skal det skje og plutselig er vi tre.

13-11-07, 16:38	#4
Fibi Prematurmamma Medlem siden: Mar 2007 Hvor: Sanniss, Rogaland Innlegg: 14.671 Blogginnlegg: 11	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Fantastisk! Best å gjøre det hos en proff, tror jeg. __________________ Jente 03 - Gutt 08 - Gutt 14 (uke 24+6) Podcaster for Kjerringrådet - Helt uten filter (@Kjerringraadet)

13-11-07, 16:41	#5
Nabbe Skrekkøgle Medlem siden: Jan 2007 Innlegg: 2.534 Blogginnlegg: 26	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Opprinnelig lagt inn av Sitron, her. Hva gjorde gubben. Del nå! Jeg hadde bestilt noen hijaber fra Egypt en gang, og dama som solgte meg de (på en nettside) puttet oppi noen pakker med sånn sukkervoks fra Midt-Østen, ferdig laget i pakke. Vet ikke helt hvorfor hun putta det oppi, men by all means, jeg tenkte at det kunne jo være hendig. Venninna mi fra Fantoft sverget til sånn sukkervoks (hjemmelaget), i alle fall til beina og armene (hun har voldsomt hårete armer). Det lå nå lenge i skapet, og en dag jeg hadde besøk, og gubben kjeda seg, fant han ut at han skulle prøve. Han, idioten, prøvde på bikinilinja, den dusten, først... Det hylet glemmer jeg aldri. Ikke Sarah og Meriem heller (du vet, mor og datter, de som jeg kjenner, fra Marokko) __________________ *I think I have OCD. Obsessive Conure Disorder.*

13-11-07, 16:41	#6
allium Bare sær Medlem siden: Sep 2006 Innlegg: 11.241	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Det er derfor jeg bruker varm voks. Den kan fjernes med vann. __________________ 90 - 96 - 00 Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.

13-11-07, 16:43	#7
Sitron Absolut ateist Medlem siden: Sep 2006 Innlegg: 27.113 Blogginnlegg: 48	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Gubben vokset sin EGEN bikinilinje? :dørlitt: __________________ Tøs Indigo, Indigo ta meg med, til en regnbue langt av sted, under en dyne skal det skje og plutselig er vi tre.

13-11-07, 16:47	#8
Nabbe Skrekkøgle Medlem siden: Jan 2007 Innlegg: 2.534 Blogginnlegg: 26	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Opprinnelig lagt inn av Sitron, her. Gubben vokset sin EGEN bikinilinje? :dørlitt: Ikke så langt ned, korrigerer han nå pr telefon. Han ville prøve, og kunne ikke prøve på beina, følte han, så han prøvde på magen. Altså, så langt ned at magen nesten har bytta navn. Han ville barbere seg for å se hvordan det var. Nysgjerrige Nils. __________________ *I think I have OCD. Obsessive Conure Disorder.*

13-11-07, 16:47	#9
Fluke Bør lage seg en tittel selv Medlem siden: Sep 2006 Hvor: Rogaland Innlegg: 12.177	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Og Nabbe: __________________ 02 10

13-11-07, 16:51	#10
Inagh Slumrende Ullteppe Medlem siden: Sep 2006 Innlegg: 26.990 Blogginnlegg: 35	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) ... Og det både av historien til Sitron og gubben til Nabbe! __________________ What doesn't kill you, makes you stranger.

13-11-07, 18:39	#11
Fersken Tatt på Medlem siden: Apr 2007 Hvor: Andre etasje Innlegg: 8.794 Blogginnlegg: 127	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) __________________ Pie (2007) og Gut (2010)

13-11-07, 19:52	#12
Enhjørning Gullfisk Medlem siden: Feb 2007 Hvor: Bøgda Innlegg: 9.510	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Opprinnelig lagt inn av Inagh, her. ... Og det både av historien til Sitron og gubben til Nabbe! Jeg også! Jeg lo så jeg nesten ikke klarte å se skjermen her! Herlig! __________________ "Dewey var en fin fyr." (sitat: David Massey, HiO) Enhjørning og gutta: 02.09.69, 11.01.05 og 27.08.09

13-11-07, 20:24	#13
annemede Ser lyst på livet Medlem siden: Sep 2006 Innlegg: 18.076 Blogginnlegg: 241	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Gubben til Nabbe tar kaka!

13-11-07, 20:43	#14
Dixie Aktiv Medlem siden: Dec 2006 Innlegg: 153	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Nå lo jeg høyt her. Utrolig bra gjenfortalt.

13-11-07, 20:47	#15
Føniks padawan Medlem siden: Sep 2006 Innlegg: 1.950	Sv: To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses) Au au __________________ -På vei ut av forumsdvale?-

To wax or not to wax (denne bør leses)

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